


we do our best vampire routines

by shutupimshakira (Sniperdoodle)



Series: Bats & Dogs [3]
Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Alternate Universe - Urban Fantasy, F/F, Monster Hunters, Nonbinary Ingrid Brandl Galatea, Vampires, Werewolves
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-29
Updated: 2020-07-29
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:01:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,681
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25591711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sniperdoodle/pseuds/shutupimshakira
Summary: Ingrid jumps as they enter their kitchen, shocked at the slumped-over body sitting at their breakfast table. They instantly spot the two little holes on their neck with dried blood dripping down. However, shock quickly fades annoyance, and they call out for their girlfriend, “Dorothea!”“Yes?” Dorothea calls out in a sing-song tone. She steps into the kitchen, looking effortlessly beautiful, despite the blood dripping down her chin from her late-night escapades, “How can I help my Ingrid today?”They blush, having not yet gotten used to her pet name for them, and points to the dead body, “You need to stop leaving dead bodies in my kitchen.”
Relationships: Dorothea Arnault/Ingrid Brandl Galatea
Series: Bats & Dogs [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1831939
Comments: 2
Kudos: 37





	we do our best vampire routines

**Author's Note:**

> Quick warning: mentions of dead bodies

Ingrid jumps as they enter their kitchen, shocked at the slumped-over body sitting at their breakfast table. They instantly spot the two little holes on their neck with dried blood dripping down. However, shock quickly fades annoyance, and they call out for their girlfriend, “Dorothea!”

“Yes?” Dorothea calls out in a sing-song tone. She steps into the kitchen, looking effortlessly beautiful, despite the blood dripping down her chin from her late-night escapades, “How can I help my Ingrid today?”

They blush, having not yet gotten used to her pet name for them, and points to the dead body, “You need to stop leaving dead bodies in my kitchen.”

“Sorry love,” Dorothea says, running her fingers through her brown tresses. “I’d drain him in my own apartment but . . . you know I can’t exactly go back there right now.”

Dorothea’s been crashing at their place for the past week because a new hunter has been sniffing around her apartment. Ingrid would prefer their girlfriend to be stakeless, so it wasn’t a big deal (plus, they liked waking up next to her . . . when she didn't have to go out and feed). The dead bodies, however, was something they didn’t quite expect. 

“I know,” Ingrid sighs. “Can I get a little warning next time?”

“Of course,” Dorothea smiles, stopping to kiss Ingrid on the cheek. “Let me drain this asshole and I’ll dispose of him.”

Ingrid watches as Dorothea gets to work setting up an invention made by her friend, Linhardt (the only vampire with hemophobia they know of). They lean against the door frame, “What did this one do?”

One thing Ingrid likes about Dorothea’s coven is that they only feed off of people that deserve: perverts, rapists, cops, and the like. 

Dorothea doesn’t look up, “Pedophile.”

“Gross.”

“I know. Why are there so many truly disgusting humans out there?”

“I don’t know,” Ingrid shrugs. They were going to eat lunch, but watching a body be drained of its blood puts a damper on anyone’s appetite. Their mind wanders instead, and they realize, “Dot . . . you don’t think that you bringing dead bodies here would attract the hunters, do you?”

That gets Dorothea’s attention. She pops her head up and says, “I swear I was extra careful, so I doubt so. Some hunters are pretty oblivious.”

“Okay, good,” Ingrid sighs.

Then, there’s a knock on the door.

Ingrid and Dorothea stare at each other.

“That couldn’t-” she begins.

“It couldn't,” they agree.

“It’d be a hell of a coincidence if it was.”

“But it couldn’t, right?”

“Right.”

“Good.”

“...”

“...”

_Knock-knock_.

“Dot, but what if-”

“And it’s not.”

“-Yes but _if_ that’s-”

_Knock-knock-knock_.

“It can’t be.”

“Could just be one of my neighbors.”

“Yes. That’s possible.”

“Because I didn’t buzz anyone in.”

“Yes.”

“And Sylvain or Felix would have barged in.”

“Yes, so it’s not-”

_Knock-knock-knock-knock-knock-knock-knock-knock-knock_.

Dorothea sighs, “Someone’s getting impatient. I’m going to hide the body, distract the people at the door.”

“Got it,” Ingrid nods. 

They hear the scraping of the chair against the wooden floor as they head to the door. Before opening it, they extend the claws in their right hand, preparing for the worst. They hide the claws behind their back, take a deep breath, puts on their best fake smile, and opens the door, “Uh, hi! Can I help you?”

Standing at the door is a dark-skinned man about their age with an easy smile and a younger, snowy-haired girl with an intense glare. 

“Hey,” the man begins. “My name’s Claude, and this is my friend Lysithea. We’re members of a near-by neighborhood watch, and the landlord let us in to ask if you’ve seen anything suspicious around here. 

_You two_ , Ingrid wants to respond, _or y’know, my girlfriend keeps on dragging dead bodies into my apartment, is that suspicious?_

Ingrid’s heightened werewolf senses can smell bullshit from miles away, and this was some grade a shit. They live in one of the more run-down parts of Garreg Mach, so there’s no way that there would be a neighborhood watch getting involved in some of the area’s problems. But even if they don’t mean good, Ingrid doesn’t quite know what their angle is. 

“No, can’t say I have,” Ingrid swallows. “Is that all?”

“If you haven’t seen anything,” Lysithea says, adding a raised eyebrow to her glare. “Then you wouldn’t mind us looking around your apartment?”

“YOU DON’T HAVE A WARRANT!” Dorothea shouts as she runs up the hallway. She stops behind Ingrid, peeking out behind their shoulder. Her anger fades as she looks at Claude, “Oh. Hey Claude.”

“Dorothea, good to see you again,” Claude grins. “So, you’re the vamp Lysithea found.”

“And your friend is the hunter that’s been loitering around my apartment,” Dorothea shoots the young woman a glare. 

“You know each other?” Ingrid and Lysithea ask at the same time. They’re genuinely confused, while Lysithea seems to be upset with Claude. 

“Yeah, of course we do,” Claude says. “Though this conversation is better suited for . . . somewhere private.” 

“You can come in as long as she promises not to do anything stupid,” Dorothea points to Lysithea. 

“Dot!” Ingrid hisses. They’re not keen on letting a couple of hunters into their apartment, especially when hunters usually carry a variety of deadly items, from silver to stakes, on them. “But they’re-”

“Look, I know, but Claude’s trust-worthy,” Dorothea insists. She turns back to Claude with a raised eyebrow, “So?”

“Don’t worry, Lysithea will behave herself, right?” Claude says as he nudges her with his elbow. 

“Claude!” Lysithea groans. When his smile doesn’t waver, she sighs, “Fine. I’ll play nice . . . for now.”

“See?” Claude puts an arm around Lysithea. “Absolutely fine with this. So, let’s talk.”

Ingrid and Dorothea step away from the door, letting the pair of hunters in. One thing is for sure: they will not be taking their eyes off of those two. They tuck their clawed hand into their pocket, carefully to not poke any holes in the fabric. 

“Nice place,” Claude says as he scans around the room. He pauses to sniff the air, “Do I smell blood?”

Dorothea crosses her arms, “It depends on how much you care.”

“That depends on who died.”

“A pedophile.”

“Nice,” Claude raises his hand, and the two high-five.

“Seriously Claude?” Lysithea exclaims. “While I won’t cry over losing that life, we can’t let a vampire run around killing people!” 

“Hey, I don’t go around killing people randomly!” Dorothea argues. “I only feed when I have to, and I only go after assholes.”

“That’s the point I wanted to make,” Claude says. “We all know that the world isn’t black and white. Not all monsters are evil, just like how every hunter isn’t a good person. Dorothea’s coven is one of those exceptions. Or Dimitri’s pack,” Claude turns to Ingrid with that easy smile, “Isn’t that right, wolfie?”

Ingrid frowns and mumbles, “Well, you don’t need to go shouting it around.”

“Don’t worry, Dimitri’s also a pal of mine,” Claude insists.

Lysithea harrumphs and crosses her arms, “And what happens if they snap?”

“I’ve been doing this for almost one-hundred years,” Dorothea says. “Edie and the others have kept it up for longer. We’re not going to break the streak at this point. And trust me, I hate having to kill just as much as you do.”

“See? They’re a good batch,” Claude adds. “Same with Dimitri’s pack. You can trust these guys. They actually help us keep the other troublemakers in line.”

“To Hilda’s delight,” Dorothea adds. 

“Fine,” Lysithea sighs. “I’ll trust them. But one wrong move-”

“Spare me the threats, “Dorothea interrupts. “Honestly Claude, where are you finding these hunters?”

“They just moved here,” Claude answers. “Me and Hilda have offered to show them the ropes.”

“You and Hilda?”

“Well, mostly me.”

“That’s what I thought,” Dorothea smirks. She turns to Lysithea, “By the way, aren’t you a little young to be a hunter?”

“I’m 21,” Lysithea growls. 

“Oh,” Dorothea frowns. “Well, will you stop stalking my apartment?”

“I will,” Lysithea agrees. 

“And what about your friend?”

“I’ll tell Leonie to stop as well.”

“By the way, are you two dating? You’re pretty cute together.”

A blush blooms on Lysithea’s face as she growls, “No. We are not.”

“Aw, too bad.”

“That sounds like you cue to leave,” Claude announces. He grabs Lysithea by the shoulders and begins to drag her out, “Dorothea, we need to hang out more.”

“And you should be better at not leaving me on read,” Dorothea counters as the door swings shut. “Bye Claude!”

“Hoo boy,” Ingrid lets out a breath they didn’t know they were holding. They flex their fingers, retracting their claws, before crossing the room towards Dorothea. Wrapping their arms around her waist, they sigh, “I didn’t like that.”

“I’m sorry, but Claude’s a good egg. He wouldn’t have let that escalate,” Dorothea insists and pats Ingrid’s hands. “And if Claude’s taking in some hunters, that’s good news for everyone. The hunters who bear the Mark of Serios are the ones you have to watch out for.”

Both Dorothea and Dimitri have mentioned hunters who bear the Mark of Seiros. While Dimitri talks about them with fearful respect, Dorothea only has malice in her voice. Neither of them has bothered to explain why the Mark of Seiros is bad, just to stay away. 

“What is the problem with the Mark of Seiros?” Ingrid tests their luck by asking.

“Don’t worry about it,” Dorothea says. She twists around so she can plant a quick kiss on their lips, “Now love, we can cuddle later, but I’ve got a body to finish draining of blood.”

“You just say the most romantic things,” Ingrid teases. 

“Oh shush,” Dorotha lightly slaps their arm. “Let me do this and I’ll treat you for letting me stay here.”

“Hhm . . . alright,” Ingrid kisses her before releasing her. 

Dorothea turns to them and grin, “Thank-you, my Ingrid.”

Ingrid dopily smiles as she walks away. They’ll be the first to admit how strange their life has become since moving to Garreg Mach, but they wouldn’t change it for anything.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank-you all for reading! This is all I have in this universe for now, but I am hoping to write for it more in the future. I have a couple more ideas that will bring all of the little world-building hints together. 
> 
> For now, if you like this story, please leave a comment and have a good day!


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